My Fucking Boyfriend is a Fucking Werewolf
by 96thPerson
Summary: In which Jake is a werewolf and I just happen to be a bystander. Oh, did I mention that he's living at my humble Texas abode for the summer, with my brother and his girlfriend, and me and said werewolf are in a relationship? AU, Werewolf!Jake English, DirkJake, DaveJade, some language cuz striders lol


So I found this lying around in my Google Drive, and I remembered I really liked this idea when I first wrote it out. It was meant as kind of head-canon-y thing and something I wrote for fun, but I wanted to share it because A) I'm in a DirkJake mood right now and B) I really like the idea of Jake being a werewolf XD! So yeah, total AU here, but I hope you can enjoy it anyway.

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><p>I grumbled to myself, pinching the bridge of my nose in front of my shades. Not only was I hopelessly lost, it was dark out, and I had yet to find Jake English. The little rascal had wandered off after dinner, saying he'd only be an hour, but when three had passed I had started to get worried. By the time the fourth rolled around, I was on my feet and ready to go, sneakers on my feet, jacket on my shoulders (it was fucking cold out), and sword at my belt, just in case.<p>

I was wandering one of the back alleys, trying to find my way back to my home in case Jake had managed to get there and was waiting for me, and maybe had enough common sense to stay inside. Wait a second, I should have told myself that... Whatever. I didn't have my phone, and Dave was probably asleep anyway, so I kept walking, glancing around at the walls and the sidewalks; they were wet, like it had just rained. I paused, a sudden brightness falling over the alleyway, and looked up. A cloud had passed, and revealed a sparkling full moon, a halo of fog around it. I squinted through my shades as I looked back down, my eyes widening again as a thick, large shadow suddenly emerged and caught my attention, stalking towards me. A growl followed it, and as it came into the light, a muzzle formed, and then moss green eyes, before the ears and face of a rather large wolf appeared before me.

"Oh shit..." I gasped, backing away from it and getting into an aggressive stance, my eyes wide as my hand rushed to the hilt of my blade.

I watched the wolf as it fully came into the alley, and I realized two things: one, it was larger than the average wolf, by two or three times, and two, wolves didn't usually have green eyes, nor were they ever this close to my city. The fact that Jake was gone, this wolf has the same eye and fur- er, hair color as him, and that was a full moon completely flew over my head.

Adrenaline rushed through my veins, a bead of sweat running down the side of my face. My heart was beating so fast an hard I could barely hear the wolf growling as it stalked closer, and I felt my body stiffening to the point I couldn't move. I was shaking so badly, that the breath that escaped my lips rattled my body. The wolf bore it's teeth, not at me, but at my sword, and I gripped it's hilt harder, turning it so the blade reflected the light of the moon and into it's face. It flinched, glaring at me, and then charged. A yell of "Fuck- shit!" tore from my throat, and I tried to back up and run, but the wolf jumped high into the air with a bark and came flying right at me.

The wolf pounced me, knocking my sword out of my hand and across the street, where it hit a wall and skid to a halt, balanced precariously on the curb, over the sewer line. I stared at the dark wolf, it's green eyes boring into mine, and I panted as it's breath ghosted across my face. I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning my head back and gritting my teeth, preparing for the worst as the wolf nuzzled my ... neck...? Affectionately?

I spared a glance at it's green eyes, dark and mysterious, but also alight with adventure and happiness. I wriggled my way out from under it's mighty paws, and it let me go so I could sit up on my elbows. It bowed it's head, something like a smile on it's lips, and after regaining my bearings I asked "... Jake...?"

Jake leaned forward and nuzzled my cheek, licking my face in thanks. I pushed his face away, but he pushed back and nuzzled my face again. I couldn't even muster the strength to fix my glasses, and stared at him for the longest time. How the fuck-...? How was this _Jake_? He was perfectly human, the last time I checked, right before he left, and... Wait, was this why he left? Oh god, wait, was I even staring at Jake...

A million questions ran through my head, and I think Jake sensed it. He nuzzled my face again to stop me from hyperventilating, and I flinched, my eyes snapping closed again. He whimpered and pulled away, getting off me and circling a few times before sitting down next to me. I stayed in my position, my mouth dropping open, my eyes still wide and my glasses still askew, and was there for a good few minutes before I looked at him and screamed, "WHAT?!"

The reality crashed down around me. Jake was a werewolf, I was dating a werewolf, _my fucking boyfriend was a fucking werewolf._

Holy shit.

I started hyperventilating again, pulling my shades off to rub my eyes and make sure I wasn't seeing anything stupid. I then pinched myself, yelping at the pain, and then became horrified that I didn't wake up. Jake gave a low bark, rubbing his face against my shoulder, and I flinched away from him, gripping my shades so hard they almost shattered. He whimpered, and stared up at me with a sad look in his eyes, apology in his features. I watched him for a moment, before moving my hand to rest it on his head. He closed his eyes and let my hand stay there, and for a wild beast, he was quite soft. He was warm, the heat from his fur warming up my cold hand, and I leaned down to rest my cheek on his forehead.

His eyes snapped wide open and he pulled back, growling at me. I jerked back from him before he could bite my hand off, and he barked, bounding away from me and down the alley. He got to the end, where he howled and then ran into the park across the street. The leaves rustles after him, and I could hear him howling again in the distance.

I was paralyzed, my hand rapidly cooling as I stared after him. What the fuck had just happened...? My boyfriend turned into a wolf and then tried to bite me..? Was I really hallucinating? Was that really Jake...? I didn't know what to think.

The clang of my sword hitting the floor dragged me out of my thoughts, and I jerked into a standing positing, sprinting to retrieve my blade before it fell into the sewage pipes. I sheathed the blade and fixed my glasses, and in a confused stupor, managed to wander my way home.

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><p>As soon as I got there, I stripped of my wet clothes, threw someone's T-shirt on (I think it was Jade's...?), and curled up on the couch with at least a million blankets. I watched the hallway to the door intently, it was only about two in the morning, I had stayed up later, and I was going to stay awake until Jake got home.<p>

About an hour passed, and I was starting to drift off to sleep when Dave emerged from the hallway his room in boxers and a long sleeve t-shit, one of my hand-me-downs. His hair was messed up and he didn't have his shades on, and he was rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Jegus dick bro, why the fuck 're you up so late?"

"Why are you up so early?" I replied, adjusting myself on the couch and watching the door. He yawned and came to rest on the back of the couch, squinting at the door as well. "Touché, now seriously dipshit."

"Don't give me that tone young man."

"Dirk."

"Waiting for Jake." I replied, sinking further into the blankets. He raised an eyebrow at me, and asked, "And how long have you been doing that?"

"Five and a half hours." I grumbled. He snorted, his weight withdrawing from the couch, and I heard him shuffle off to the hallway. A few seconds later, a door closed and I heard his muffled, "Scooch over Harley."

Oh shit, the kids were here too. Oh god what if they knew, what if they found out, what if...?!

I was so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't even realize that my eyes had closed and I had drifted into sleep.

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><p>I woke up with a start, taking a few seconds to come to my senses. I saw the ceiling above me and felt a weight on my side. Letting my eyes drift closed again, I wrapped my arms around Jake's waist and-<p>

"Oh shit!"

Jake jolted up with a start, rolling over and grabbing my wrists, pinning me under him. I stared up at him, before thrashing around in utter confusion, but he pressed his lips to mine to silence me. I took a deep breath and held it, my eyes wide until he pulled back. "Shhh, you'll wake up the kids, ol'chap."

"Oh hell no." I hissed, pushing him off from on top of me and sitting up. He pulled his legs into a cross legged position and kneaded his hands apologetically, staring at his lap. "Dirk..."

"You're a werewolf. What the hell." I asked. He flinched, as if the word "werewolf" hurt him. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Sorry? Really, Jake? You ran out, and when I finally find you, you crush me with your weight, and then try to bite my hand off! I don't think 'sorry' is gonna cut it." I replied, grabbing my shades from the table and putting them on. Jake looked me over, resisting cracking a smile at the fact that I was wearing one of John's shirts, and said, "I... Didn't mean to attack you. I just thought I saw someone coming and got scared. I didn't want to hurt you."

I sighed and ruffled his hair, leaning back on the couch and poking my tattoo, it was ridiculous, really. "I know... It's just... Shit, you're a werewolf. _Shit_."

"Grandma English taught me to control some of it when I was younger, but when she died, I was on my own. I had to learn by myself. It's allot like I'm fighting with myself, I have to keep the feral part in check so I don't hurt anyone." He explained, leaning on my arm. "Are you alright?"

"Fine enough." I replied, staring at his face. Our eyes met, and he started to leaning closer, holding down my arm with his hand. I leaned in to meet him, and just before our lips me, he jumped up and yelped, "Good golly, I haven't eaten yet!"

"What?" I asked, but he had already bounded across the room and was digging through our fridge. "Don't want anything raw, can't even eat that..."

I walked over and leaned on the door frame, staring at his back as he shuffled through the contents of our fridge. "Jake...?"

"I need meat. Steak, beef, tri-tip, something like that... I could have sworn I saw some earlier..." He murmured. I called his name again, but he didn't reply, just kept digging through the fridge. "Jake!"

"What, Strider?" He finally looked at me.

I raised my eyebrow and said, "You passed a T-bone steak. It's in the corner now, to the right. Just fry it or something."

"Aw, jeez, thanks chum!" He exclaimed, and searched the fridge for another minute, before finding the package and tearing it open. He turned on one of the burners and places a pan over it, putting a bit of oil in the bottom and plopping the steak in. He waited a few minutes, then flipped it, waiting for the same amount of time before pulling it out and plopping it on the counter.

He turned off the burner an put the pan in the sink, grabbing his steak and digging in, a groan escaping his lips. "You clean that up, English." I warned, and he looked up from his meal, eyes wide. "Huh? Oh, yeah, of course!"

I snickered at him, watching him devour the meat, and lick his fingers and hands clean once he was finished. His eyes fell to half lidded and he kicked his lips contently, watching the hallway to the other side of the apartment. "So what do we tell them?"

"We don't." I replied. "Or if they find out, we tell them I'm a vampire, and that we're dating for the sake of irony. Maybe I'll even throw on some glitter and walk out into the sun for comedic effect."

He scowled at me, his lips pulling into a snarl at the mention of the word "vampire."

"What?"

"Don't joke about vampires. Nasty little buggers they are." He replied, turning back to the sink to wash his hands and clean the counter and pan. I leaned on the counter next to him, and he eyed me, resting on his forearms when he was finished. "You ever met one?"

"What, a vampire?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Once. She... Was very beautiful, and kinda captured my fancy... But then we watched her bleed a man dry, and my grandma had to take her out..." He explained, a forlorn look on his face. I felt bad for asking, and walked over to lean on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, ol'chap."

"Wait." I started, pulling away. He looked at me, surprise in his face. "Was grandma English a werewolf too?"

Jake snickered, nodding energetically. "Yup. What did you think, she was human and just happen to know about werewolves? According to her, the gene skipped my parents."

I put my head back on his shoulder and we stood next to each other in silence for the longest time, but finally he pulled away and pressed his lips to my shoulder. I shuffled a little, draping my arms over his shoulders, and kissed his ear, smirking as he put his hands on either side of my waist. "Finish what you started, English."

"You're taking this awfully calmly, Strider." He said, kissing my neck again. I shrugged, tilting his chin up so our eyes met. "I finished my freaking out, I can roll with this cuz it's only once a month." I told him.

His face lit up with the most thankful smile, and he pressed his lips to mine. His tongue prodded at my lips and I opened my mouth for him, letting him slip inside. His tongue brushed against my teeth and gums, and I moaned for him, tangling my fingers in his hair.

I might have told him I was fine, but I was gonna need a shit load of adjusting before I got my head around the fact he was a werewolf.

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><p>So like I said earlier, I don't have any intention of expanding on this, and it's been in my google drive for at least six months. I've been meaning to post it, because I really do like this AU lol Also if anyone recognizes some similarities (read as me taking this scene straight from another show) between Jake rooting through Dirk's fridge and eating whatever meat he can find and pretty much the same scene out of Hemlock Grove, I'll love you forever~!<p> 


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